build mutual respect not dominance or submission - Assertive, not passive or aggressive: , describe your own feelings rather than others' behaviour - 'I' not 'you'; , make constructive suggestions not negative vetos - 'I'd like' not 'you can't / shouldn't'; ', stick to facts rather than opinions - Description, not judgment; , give concrete examples not broad generalisations - Specific, not general; , describe benefits rather than imposing conditions - Incentives, not threats; ,

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