1) I’m a fossil who thinks using emojis makes me look young. 2) I’m cooked, but my boss still says “one last email”. 3) I’m a dodgy personal trainer who goes bear mode but eats pizza between workouts. 4) I’m a kid who just discovered TikTok and already has brain rot. 5) I’m gatekeeping the best café in town — good luck finding it. 6) I get the zoomies every time someone says “free snacks”. 7) I’m giving a hard pass to camping — bugs aren’t part of my ideal day off. 8) I’m stuck in red tape just trying to my visa to Spain. 9) I’m yapping like it’s my full-time job — you name it, I’ve got an opinion. 10) I’m living through trying times, mostly because Wi-Fi keeps dropping. 11) I’m cooked, but somehow still online shopping at 2 a.m. 12) I’m a dodgy influencer selling “miracle water” from my bathtub. 13) I’m yapping about my new headphones — no cap, it’s elite. 14) I’m cooked after leg day, but caffeine says “let’s get the zoomies”. 15) I’m gatekeeping the perfect nap schedule. 16) I’m in trying times because my air fryer broke down.

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