"Pineapple belongs on pizza, and it’s the superior topping.", "People who clap when the plane lands should be banned from flying.", "Working from home in pajamas is more productive than going to the office.", "Dogs are better than children—at least they don’t talk back.", "Avocados are just overpriced green butter for millennials.", "Aliens have definitely visited Earth… they just weren’t impressed.", "People who talk loudly on speakerphone in public should pay a fine.", "Coffee is more important than love in the morning.", "Adults who watch cartoons are more emotionally mature than those who don’t.", "Technology isn’t ruining society—people are.".

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