Assertive Language: Ownership of ideas, views and feelings: “This is how I see the situation…..” “In my opinion/view we need to tackle this first.” When I find myself in this situation, I feel hesitant and cautious when putting forward my opinions.”, Stating what you want: “What I’d like/prefer/want/need is to do this with you.”, Focus on behaviour and facts instead of opinions: “I thought when you cheered and complimented Jill you showed that you were supporting her proposal”., Distinguishing opinion from fact: “In my view, that’s very unfair.”, Clarity: “I don’t have a strong preference for either and will be genuinely happy whichever one we do.”, Open Questions that invite others to give their views, ideas, needs or wants rather than just a Yes/No answer: What, Why, When, How, Where, Which and Who., Focus on what can be done: “I can see how difficult it is, we can take that into consideration and plan for it.”, Aggressive Language: Attacking: “Only you could think of something like that”, Excessive focus on their own needs: ”I need it done now so you need to get on with it straight away”, Excessive use and overemphasis of ‘I’ and ‘my’ statements: “I’d like it done my way because I’m its coming out of my budget”., Expressing opinion as fact: “Everyone thinks that”, Blaming: “It’s your fault we are in this mess, I knew no good would come of it but you wouldn’t listen.”, Threatening: “If you don’t do that right then I’ll need to seriously discuss your future.”, Excessive use of ‘ought’, ‘must’, ‘should’: “You must appreciate that we should do it this way”. “It’s something we ought to do.”, Exaggeration: “Everybody would agree that we all need everything in order before we start.”, Denigrating: “Only a fool would think that could possibly be acceptable.”, Manipulating: “If you really cared about the project, you would get on and do that task yourself”, Non- Assertive Language: Tentative and reluctant agreement: “Well, maybe I can try.”, Hinting at doubts: “Well I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do, what would others say?”, Unwilling to state a preference: “We could go out, or we could stay in or maybe we could get take away? What do you think?”, Moaning or complaining, self-pity: “Why me? It always happens to me.”, Fishing: “It’s the first time I’ve done something like this, not very good, is it?”, Seeking permission and approval: “Should I really go ahead and should I just be quiet?”, Self-effacing: “I’m no good at something like this, you do it so much better.”,

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