It has been argued that in today's world, everybody spends more of their time preoccupied with what they buy and less concerned with maintaining close ties with the people around them., You have paraphrased the question statement well, but have failed to explain how you will answer it., It is said that people today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. In this essay I will explain the extent to which I agree with this idea., Your introduction is clear, but you should paraphrase the question statement in your own words., I agree with the statement and in this essay I will explain why., You have explained your position on the statement but have failed to include any information relating to the statement in your introduction., It has been suggested that these days we tend to prioritize the accumulation of possessions over the development of relationships with those closest to us. Whilst there is some truth in the assertion that the world has become more materialistic, it is not necessarily true that this is at the cost of our loved ones., This is a good introduction that paraphrases the question and clearly explains the line of argument you will take in the body of your essay.

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