It's OK to provide rules and defend your beliefs. - You may be in the right. The child might be screaming
because you won't buy him chocolate, a colleague might be
genuinely setting out to block your ideas. Setting children
boundaries or standing up for yourself is sometimes
necessary. What's important is to successfully steer a path
through these confrontations in a calm manner - not to avoid
them altogether or to simply let others get their own way all
the time., Don't start shouting. - Don't raise your voice. If you do, your 'opponent' wil also
inevitably increase their volume and the discussion will just
turn into a shouting match., If you end up insulting people, the situation won't
improve. - Saying always or never is likely to immediately make people
defensive, while wishing someone would do something
suggests the idea is an impossibility already! Resorting to
personal abuse will then only make matters worse. Instead,
try using sometimes, or describe your feelings without directly
referring to the other person: 'I don't like it when people
scream', 'I want', or 'Seeing an untidy room upsets me.', Attempt to delay awkward discussions until less
stressful times. - Sometimes it's best to postpone an argument. We all have
buttons that certain people know how to push and which are
guaranteed to annoy us. It is best to acknowiedge this and
attempt to step back when you see things coming. In the
same way, if you're not a morning person, for example, try
to put off sensitive topics of conversation until later on in the
day, when you will be naturally less tense., When you think about it, different backgrounds can
make you think in different and reasonable ways. - Listen to others. When it comes down to it, differences in
gender, generation, character or nationality may produce a
different perspective to yours, and one that is equally valid.
Is the child asking for chocolate really saying he's tired? Is
your colleague in a vulnerable position within the company?
Is the underlying message he's giving actually 'I'm worried
about redundancy'?, We shouldn't continue to argue just because we
want to avoid seeming weak. - Don't get stuck defending an unreasonable position just for
the sake of not losing face. Be prepared to accept that you
may have been wrong or that there might be some middle
ground where you could compromise., Another person's body language may show us that
we are annoying that person unintentionally. - Never tackle sensitive or controversial matters over the
phone or by email. Remember that gestures and facial
expressions can provide warning signs that you're rubbing
someone up the wrong way, which may lead you to change
your approach to the subject. The way you stand can also
send messages., When you speak to each other again, don't talk
about what you said or did before. - Despite your best efforts, you may occasionally fall out with
people. The key then is to try and get in touch as quickly
as possible rather than letting things drift and making an
upsetting incident worse. When you get in touch, don't go
over old ground again. Say 'I'm sorry we argued' or 'Can we
agree to disagree?' And in return, accept any such offers you
receive with good grace and move on.,

Outcomes upper-int Conflicts

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